Solo Poly. Guidelines for myself: why is solamente polyamory work with me

Previous i was chiming in on a forum thread about rules in polyamorous relationships today. As a solamente individual, individual autonomy and obligation are necessary to any or all components of my entire life. Therefore I’m averse to being in relationships where lovers make difficult guidelines to regulate or restrict one another — which can be a big reasons why mainstream monogamy does not work with me personally.

But i’ve developed some pretty important guidelines for myself.

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Every one of my guidelines for myself stem from my four core values in relationships:

1. Shared respect and consideration (exactly how we treat one another)
2. Autonomy and self duty (the way we each care for ourselves)
3. Integrity ( be truthful and walk your talk)
4. Joy (because otherwise, what’s the point?)

These values give my relationship objectives: items that my collection of guidelines collectively seeks to quickly attain:

• Preserving integrity: being the type or variety of individual i wish to be.
• Handling danger: maintaining myself safe
• Linking with other people in many ways which are significant, deep, and constructive
• Supporting, considering and respecting other people
• Feeling satisfied, delighted and satisfied
• Private development: continuing to master and develop
• Improving my resilience and strength
• Keeping stability and stress that is managing discomfort and chaos during my life

Me explain why I have them before I get into my list of rules, let.

I’ve discovered, through experience, me be the best person I can be that they help. They assist make sure without coming at the expense of others, which in turn helps me be here better for others once they require me personally that I keep residing a life that’s advantageous to me personally. They help me to find out whenever an offered situation or relationship may or may possibly not be a silly danger.

Each one of these guidelines will be based upon my very own personal experience with relationships and life, particularly being a polyamorous and person that is solo. There’s a ton of http://www.datingreviewer.net/military-dating-sites/ faceplants, frustration, heartbreak, mistakes, miscommunication, and missed possibilities behind each one of these rules. The whole thing is extremely individual and appropriate in my opinion — your mileage, since constantly, can vary.

The important thing to these guidelines is which they connect with me personally, never to my lovers. Eventually they’re exactly how we make choices regarding how exactly to pursue, conduct, or carry on a relationship.

We don’t need that my lovers or metamours reside as much as my requirements, or do things my means; but they are wanted by me to comprehend at the start how I make choices about my relationships. That’s only reasonable.

These guidelines use whether or otherwise not I’m in an important relationship. And so they assist me be sure — whenever i really do begin to enter relationships that include significant opportunities of feeling, time, logistical factors, etc. — why these connections stay a good possibility of being mutually useful and never unduly high-risk or annoying.

Therefore: they are my guidelines just; your mileage might differ. We provide these for instance associated with forms of individual guidelines or requirements that would be helpful for anybody — but particularly for solamente individuals, and particularly for solamente poly individuals.

Aggie’s guidelines for Aggie:

1. Respect and consideration. We don’t keep connections with individuals whom treat me personally inconsiderately or disrespectfully, or whom suggest a willingness that is clear tendency to take action. If individuals do that, I’ll inform them it is a challenge. I’ll probably give them a couple of opportunities so long as they’re not egregiously rude. But if a pattern that is baddeliberate or otherwise not) emerges inside their behavior, I’ll distance myself. Likewise, we attempt to always respect and think about my lovers and metamours. Once they let me know whatever they require, we you will need to listen, negotiate and provide them the thing I can ( or be truthful if we can’t).

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